Cancer, the ugliest word ever!

My dad has cancer.  4 simple words that have changed so many lives.  He's 83, he was in perfect health, and he took care of my mom.  Cancer eats away and deteriorates your body.  It is unrelenting and cares nothing for the person it is destroying.  It can come out of nowhere and throw everything you've ever known out the window.  It is ugly and it is mean. I really want to blame his doctor who didn't give my dad a prostate exam for the whole 12 years he was seeing him.  I want to shout and yell and kick and scream.  I want someone to tell me it isn't true.

He and my mom are now out of their home of 27 years.  Most of their belongings have been sold or given away, and they now reside in assisted living. I see them every day, I help my mom get dressed and watch my dad sleep, a lot.  I bring their laundry home and buy a few groceries for them.  My dad likes crackers and milk, my mom loves yogurt.  The small pleasures in their lives, and I would do anything to bring them a simple pleasure.

If you give someone on a diet a muffin.

Yesterday, my daughter made delicious Elderberry muffins with streusel topping.  She knows that I am trying to lose 20 lbs, and am on a very STRICT diet.  But did she still make the muffins? Yes.  Did she use my kitchen? Yes.  Did she care? No.

So, pretty soon the whole house is filled with this exquisite smell of muffins!  She pulls them out of the oven and the steam is circling above them like little whiffs of temptation!   I walk through the kitchen floating on the scent as my body begs me to partake!

Then she has the audacity  to ask, "Mom, wanna muffin?" Simple as that, like it was no big deal.  I reply , "no."  Simple as that, no big deal.

She eats them in front of me, Yes, she does.  She keeps mumbling how delicious they are as she grabs another.  "Mom, you have GOT to just try these, they are so scrumptious!"  Then she proceeds to break a little bit off and dangle it in front of my face!!  Inside I was screaming,  I have been dong this diet for 8 days now and have already lost 4 lbs!!  Whoopee!!  I haven't had sugar or pasta or cheese or anything in the like for 8 whole days!!!   But to her I just very kindly decline.   "No thanks", I say.  "I am really trying to stay on this diet." " Hmph", she replies. .

Then, she is texting on her phone. "Who are you talking to?" I ask. She has just invited the neighbor down the street to come and eat muffins with her. Oh great!  But, I tell myself I am strong. I can resist!!  He comes and the both of them indulge in muffin eating with tall glasses of cold milk.  Again they both say, "Are you sure you don't want a muffin?"  "NO", I reply, "No,no Thank you."  I am being so strong and I pat myself on the back for resisting.

The next morning, I get up and stand on the scales.  I actually gained 1 lb.  What!  I am so discouraged as I go eat my protein and vegetable breakfast.  I am really getting tired of eating so much protein!!  After breakfast I go back to bed out of discouragement.  I fall asleep.  When I wake up I am feeling hungry.  It is time for my morning snack.  I think about the homemade jerky I had planned to have and my stomach turns.  So I start to mop my kitchen floor instead.  I pass the counter with left over muffins on it.  I resist.  I look at them again.  I'm hungry. There is no one around. I am ALONE with the muffins!  I pull it out of the bag, peel down the paper wrapping.  And then... I eat it!  At first the sweet taste of brown sugar and elderberries delight my palate!  I savor each bite with gratification and a little bit of satisfaction knowing I am being naughty.  Yes, I enjoyed being naughty while eating that muffin!  I'll show my stupid body for not losing any weight after all of my suffering!  HA HA HA!  and then, it was gone, simple as that.

I reveled in my delight a little longer.  But then the guilt starts to set in.  What have I done?  For a brief second, I even contemplated regurgitating it back up!  But I knew I couldn't go there.  So, I squirmed in my guilt for a while.  If I were catholic I would have wanted to go to confession. I had sinned, and now it was just too late to take it back. I am a loser with little self control.  I decide to tell no one!  Why confess what a horrible person I am? It is none of their business anyway!! Right?   So I blog it instead.  Only those who read this post will know what really happens if you give someone on a diet a muffin. 

I like the small simple things in life.Out of simple things come great moments with great memories.
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 The other day as I was walking out of my school, I watched as the pre-school parents picked up their children.  It had been raining and there were still numerous  puddles of water scattered across the playground.  I noticed one little girl who had found a particular larger puddle having the time of her life stomping in it as hard as her little feet could stomp!  I was enjoying the show she was putting on when I also noticed her mom a little ways off just standing there watching and waiting for her. My heart warmed as I observed her patience with her little girl.

I remember when I was raising my children.  I don't know if I would have ever allowed them to stomp in puddles!  I pictured myself saying, "Don't get your shoes all wet, you'll ruin them!"  Well, now where are those precious little shoes that mattered so much then?  Long gone, along with the opportunity of a great memory!  I wish I would have been more like the mom I saw at the playground, allowing her child to enjoy the simple things in life, even if it is just a good puddle stompin!

  If I had to do it all over, I would have let my kids stomp in the puddles and play in the mud!  I hope they have some good memories of me being patient while they were young, for their childhood went by so fast!  I loved being a mom of four young children.  Loved every minute of it!  Now they are all adults and I am loving this stage of life also!

 To moms out there who are still in that younger stage, may I just leave you with a word of advice.  Enjoy your kids!  Let them laugh at silly moments and laugh with them.  Hold your tongue when temptations flare with their little antics.  Above all,  let them stomp in the puddles of life!

The Holidays are over

I was so excited to pick Amy and Issac up from the airport!  they were going to stay with us a whole month!!!  All through the holiday season.  Once again laughter from Isaac could be heard in the house.  The crib held a precious grandchild every night and kissy marks were left  on the mirror.  Great chats with Amy, like she had never left.  Then it was time to pick up Brad!  More fun and adventure as the Larson family brought their charm to the household!  Then, another trip to the airport for Stephie!  Now the house was really buzzing with excitement!  Every day was full of laughing, cooking eating, and more eating!!  With Quynn and Chelsea joining us we were finally all together, life was perfect.

On Christmas Eve, My brother and his family and my parents also joined us.  Sweet memories were made as I basked in the love of my family.  Yes, life was perfect.

Soon Christmas was done and with a quick trip to Vegas to visit Rhones family, our time together was drawing to a close.

The morning Amy and Brad and Isaac left, I dressed little Isaac, put his coat on, gave him a kiss goodbye, and watched his cute little legs walk down the hallway with his hand in grandpa's.  Ouch!  I then gave Amy and Brad each a hug goodbye as they drove off in the bitter cold and snow.  Bleh, what a downer.  I really hate goodbyes.

Then a week later it was time to say goodbye to Stephie.  Bleh...

Now they are all home again.  Texas, Boston, and Copperton.  (At least the Copperton folk can come and visit  often! )  I love them all, and feel incomplete without them.  Had to shut the door where Isaac slept, put away all the toys.  I was doing pretty good until...I saw kissy marks on my mirror.  that did me in. I sat on the floor and let the tears come,  I miss that sweet little boy.

The house is again quiet, I hardly cook anymore.  The tv has become my friend again....and tomorrow I go back to work.  Sigh...

Houston! Doesn't get better than family!

I was so dang excited to go see my kids in Houston!  Especially my little grandson Isaac who is now 17 months. Wondering if he would even remember me, I brought along his favorite candy just in case a bribery was necessary. Brad picked Rhone and I up at the airport and took us to their home.  As Brad entered the back door, I hear Isaac yell, "Da da!".  Then Rhone and I peaked our heads in the doorway.  Isaac looked at us for a second, and his little sweet eyes got big.  Then a HUGE grin came over his entire face and he beamed at us like we were Santa!  I bent down and held out my arms, he came running into them and just hugged me.  Of course I got a lump in my throat while I held my grand baby. Words can not describe the joy and warmth I felt. Then he wanted his "Baba" (grandpa) and I passed him off to Rhone.  What a glorious moment that was, one I will never forget. We enjoyed being with Brad and Amy and Isaac so much, it was hard to leave them to come back home  There is nothing more joyful than family! And, I found out that I will be a grandma again as Amy is due in June!!  Life is good. Oh, and Isaac loved the candy too!

What I remember...

Rhone the Roofer
I've been married to a wonderful man for the last 26 years.  I don't have to worry about him getting a big head over my calling him wonderful because he's just not into blogs and will never read this!  But 26 years ago, I fell in love with a roofer.  The things that attracted me most was his gentleness and quietness, I felt comfortable with him in all situations, even when nothing at all was being said, we were both content.
As we were dating, I felt secure with him and loved his late night calls to tell me about his day.  I enjoyed his roofing stories. I could picture it all in my head as he spoke.  I remember him telling me about a puppy he had found one day,  He took the puppy up on the roof with him and enjoyed watching it run around on the house! It must have been quite the sight to see a dog on the roof!  Down the road I too would get on the roof with him, sometimes 9 months pregnant, I too must have been quite a sight to see!
 He always has respect for others and who they are. People know he cares. No matter what lifestyle or religion, he loves people for who they are, and they feel that love.  He is responsible and dependable.  He loves to stay up late and get up late, which is totally opposite from me.  Many times I go to bed late with him hardly able to walk from exhaustion.  Many times he gets up early with me just to be with me. He is hardly able to function that early in the day or even have full feeling in his fingers!  I usually take advantage and tickle him as he doesn't have strength yet to defend himself!  But all is fair as he always gets me back later in the day!
  I love his musical abilities.  As he plays the piano, I feel relaxed and peaceful. His great mind can figure out anything and can also fix anything! With this ability he usually wins at ALL  games...and enjoys it!  Gloating just a little in his quiet way, but he knows it always bothers me after a win and he gives me that quick innocent smile! guuurrr!
   He loves deeply and reaches out to those that others may feel.. unreachable.  Children love him, for no reason at all they catch his eye and want to follow him around.  Animals love him, they must sense his pure love for God's creations.  He hates to be sticky!  Hates to be bare footed, and loves a slight tickle on his back.
I almost lost him a few months ago.  He had had a heart attack and his right artery of his heart was 100% blocked.  He hardly had any pain, but just didn't feel good.  Out of denial, we waited about 12 hours before seeking help!  By that time his blood pressure was down in the 40's and the insta care doctor crossed his fingers at me as they rushed him away in an ambulance. They got him into surgery and gave him a stent in his heart.  That evening I had to leave him in the ICU and go home alone. Even though I had spent many nights alone because of his work schedule, that night was the longest and loneliest night I had ever known. With many prayers in our behalf,  I was given a gift that night and the good Lord spared my husbands life. We had been very blessed at that time, and many times in our marriage, I am truly grateful.
Now, I don't seem to mind his snoring so much, I don't mind his little antics and I appreciate him a little more everyday we have together. I have learned to cook in a completely different way so that his consumption of fat is much less!  And healthy fat at that!!    I want to keep this quiet wonderful roofer in my life for a long long time!  I will always love Rhone the Roofer.

Superman flew into have breakfast!

So I fed Superman breakfast today at the school.  I didn't know, but Super man is really in 2nd grade!  This morning, he came flying into the lunch room with a pretend cape fluttering behind him.  The sound effects from his mouth let me know that he was flying in fast!  As he flew up to the computer, his hand went up above his head to show the image that he was suspended in mid air!  He punched in his number  as if attacking some invisible enemy he was conquering!  More sound effects from his mouth told me he had won the battle!  Then Super man flew off to get his milk!  Whew!  What a day. :-)  I love working with children!